If I were in charge of making the Dungeons & Dragons movie…

dndlogoYes, Virginia, there’s going to be (another) Dungeons & Dragons movie. Warner Bros, Sweetpea, & Hasbro have hammered out their clandestine deal. Palms have been crossed. Pacts have been signed. Sacrifices have been made. Souls have been bartered and sold.

And, yes, it is going to be set in the Forgotten Realms.

You knew it would be.

I mentioned yesterday I thought this to be a mistake.

As I see it, Dungeons & Dragons is not Lord of the Rings. It is not Game of Thrones. Saying you’re making a Forgotten Realms movie is, well, you making a Forgotten Realms movie. That is not the same thing as making a Dungeons & Dragons movie.

Not by a long shot.

Dungeons & Dragons is, first and foremost, a game.

The movie needs to address this.

You don’t have this:


Without this:


If I were making a Dungeons & Dragons movie it would begin with a group of friends coming together at an old bookstore, gathering around a table littered with maps and dice and miniatures, a Dungeon Master appropriately positioned behind his screen.

As players take their seats, with pencils and character sheets at the ready, the DM begins reciting the flavor text of the night’s adventure… the music turns ominous… the sounds of clashing steel and war cries can be heard… then the DM says, “Roll for Initiative” as he tosses a 20 sided die across the table.

The die tumbles toward the camera, looming larger until it transitions into a boulder crashing into a village hut, thrown by a hill giant. As villagers flee, we are introduced to the movies main characters, a diverse group of adventurers who slay the beast and are subsequently hired to uncover the reason behind these abnormal giant raids…

And thus Against the Giants begins… I realize the story would need to be tweaked here and there, but this would be a great launching point for a movie trilogy. There are giants and dragons and drow and… well, you get the idea.

The thing is, we don’t need just another generic fantasy movie. You need to hang the Dungeons & Dragons shingle on a movie that does more than acknowledge the name. It needs to honour the game.

But what do I know, I’ve just been DMing for close to 40 years.